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Actually I'm not Ok at ALL
U know what? Actually I'm not OK at ALL! I always dream that one day I can be a princess~~ There is no financial problems for me to solve; there is no complicated relatives' problem for me to face; there is no so call "friends" will harm me. There will have all those people who love me with their true heart, my family will concern about me, my prince will be there for me, my true friend will care about my feeling, I can study whatever I wanna study, learn whatever skills I want, buy whatever books I like to read.
Well, all those things sound so far from me, truely far from me. I think the truth is I don't even have anyone can tell them my real problems, my real concern, my real needs. Afterall, I kinda don't dare to believe in people. I don't, one day when you found out the one you really trust with your true heart may end up sell you out! So many times already, I seriously think that I'm bloody blind~~Maybe I should really listen to people, they said "sympathy will kill you fast". OK, forget about it.
Well, true enough my own self have some problem also. I'm bloody straight forward which alot of people who can't take truth will hate me. Next, I'm a bit anti-social, after so many ugly faces appeared in front of me, you think I still dare to open myself for them to use??
Yaya, I'm really stupid, really naive, not so cool, not so in, reception bloody suck (always the last one to get any gossip or info, well, I don't like busy about this kind of rubbish), don't know alot of things.
Conclusion is I'M REALLY NOTHING UNTIL THERE IS SOMETHING HAPPEN. Lots of my "friends" will suddenly close to me when they got something happen, because they knew I will always try to help no matter what. I'm really that kind of IDIOT. Always tell myself stop being idiotic, but when they look so sad & anxious, I couldn't help myself for helping them. When things done, I knew they will leave again. Everyone is the same, just some of them not so abvious.
I wanna go out. But that is so hard for me to find someone accompany me. Those who really concern me seem that always not around me. Can't anyone see that I'm actually not fine at all, with all my problems. Why can't anyone just try to accompany me go out to some place that I wanna go? Am I really that lousy? I really hate myself. Hate myself being so stupid. Why should I always help people when I'm in down site no one actually pull me up.
You know, I'm just really too tired about everything. Far too tired. Please, my last request for all of you, keep your problems yourselves ok? Don't always ask for my help. Can't any of you see my tiredness? Can't you see my heart was broken? Don't you know that I just really wanna Destroy Everything & just Run Away from here.
I really need someone to pull me out, if there is someone..................................Labels: Feeling
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